I'm done with this. I'm leaving. I gave it my best shot, and it didn't work. I wish you all well, and hope you have good lives. I can't stay here anymore, I have no more reason, and too much pain.goodbye
used?Whats wrong?When we went walking I was just thinking to myself, wow, Kat has really changed, or I was stupid and not seeing it before, but she can be positive, she can enjoy life and people around her... I thought it might have been because you found happiness with Colin, and opened up to see how awesome life is.I dunno. I go back and forth feeling that way.I feel like all my friends here are false and going behind my back to all get what they want.But not today!I have found a few good friends. There are those that have lost my trust, have violated me, and I forgive them, but I will not open up to them again. I think I finally made that decision. But it gets fuzzy. Real fuzzy. I respect them in some ways.Anyway, today was so beautiful. I went to Red Rock with two fun girls and sunbathed, got my toes bit by fishies we tried catching, did flips off of rocks, swam and ate blueberries and grapes and sam's sandwiches.I biked with suitemates to the bike jumps over by elwood.....walking past DP and seeing Mika with Colin brought back that _will not trust_ bit inside me.I've done plenty. But feeling "I'm done with this and leaving" was how I used to feel, I used to say FUCK IT, all my friends want her, they dont' want me. San Diego is filled with better friends that don't have this pit inside them when they don't have a girl... I have family there and people that love me, I'm happier there.. etc. etc.*shrug*.I hate how livejournal private entries work because I only log in when I post... so when I look at my friends page I always forget to check locked entries.I'm glad I saw this one.I'm not feeling this way anymore, and I'm happy.Your wheel will turn too, I'm sure... when you want it to.Lotsa love,Seth
also, it pisses me off that Mika sees him as a polite/curtious "gentleman" when he most likely flaked on dinner plans with me to be with her tonight.At least thats how it looked.
I'm just tired of being around here. I don't have many friends, no family, no school, I hate my job...lots of things. And yes, I am a very positive person, generally...but truly, Colin did open that up a bit in me, and now that he's gone...I just feel like I have nothing around here. I didn't realize you never saw me that way before? That's a shame :( I've been sick a lot lately, and I feel that part of that is brought on by not being happy. It's more than just "He broke me" it's more than just, "I hate my job" I'm really lonely here. I'm glad you logged in. A lot of my entries are locked. It's a damn shame. I opened up to a lot of people when I was dating colin...and now...I won't have that chance anymore. I'd still like to keep in touch with everyone, but I have no misconceptions that it's gonna be different. I'll put another post in your journal. see ya.
3 comments:
used?Whats wrong?When we went walking I was just thinking to myself, wow, Kat has really changed, or I was stupid and not seeing it before, but she can be positive, she can enjoy life and people around her... I thought it might have been because you found happiness with Colin, and opened up to see how awesome life is.I dunno. I go back and forth feeling that way.I feel like all my friends here are false and going behind my back to all get what they want.But not today!I have found a few good friends. There are those that have lost my trust, have violated me, and I forgive them, but I will not open up to them again. I think I finally made that decision. But it gets fuzzy. Real fuzzy. I respect them in some ways.Anyway, today was so beautiful. I went to Red Rock with two fun girls and sunbathed, got my toes bit by fishies we tried catching, did flips off of rocks, swam and ate blueberries and grapes and sam's sandwiches.I biked with suitemates to the bike jumps over by elwood.....walking past DP and seeing Mika with Colin brought back that _will not trust_ bit inside me.I've done plenty. But feeling "I'm done with this and leaving" was how I used to feel, I used to say FUCK IT, all my friends want her, they dont' want me. San Diego is filled with better friends that don't have this pit inside them when they don't have a girl... I have family there and people that love me, I'm happier there.. etc. etc.*shrug*.I hate how livejournal private entries work because I only log in when I post... so when I look at my friends page I always forget to check locked entries.I'm glad I saw this one.I'm not feeling this way anymore, and I'm happy.Your wheel will turn too, I'm sure... when you want it to.Lotsa love,Seth
also, it pisses me off that Mika sees him as a polite/curtious "gentleman" when he most likely flaked on dinner plans with me to be with her tonight.At least thats how it looked.
I'm just tired of being around here. I don't have many friends, no family, no school, I hate my job...lots of things. And yes, I am a very positive person, generally...but truly, Colin did open that up a bit in me, and now that he's gone...I just feel like I have nothing around here. I didn't realize you never saw me that way before? That's a shame :( I've been sick a lot lately, and I feel that part of that is brought on by not being happy. It's more than just "He broke me" it's more than just, "I hate my job" I'm really lonely here. I'm glad you logged in. A lot of my entries are locked. It's a damn shame. I opened up to a lot of people when I was dating colin...and now...I won't have that chance anymore. I'd still like to keep in touch with everyone, but I have no misconceptions that it's gonna be different. I'll put another post in your journal. see ya.
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